Or you feel hurt, angry or misunderstood.
To be in a relationship with someone, either it is a romantic relationship, friendship or another kind of close relationship are both nourishing and other times quite frustrating.
There are situations when you feel hurt, frustrated, not heard or seen and you can get really mad at your partner.
That happens and it`s ok to have negatively emotions, but the trick is to get into the nourishing loop of feeling big love again. To do that, you need to:
Not question the intention of the person you love, only their actions.
You need to separate the person from the action. To remember that no matter how angry, hurt or frustrated you are at them, the person is just frustrated, hurt, clumpsy or angry too. They still love you, but their actions may not communicate it to you.
No matter what has happened you hold on to the fact that their intentions are good. It`s their actions that you choose to condemn, not them.
Do you see the difference? Here is an example on how you separate those two when you are saying:
I love you, but I really disagree on the choice you just made and it really pisses me off that you could do that.
By separating the person from the action you accomplish three things:
1: The person feel loved and safe
2: You stand up for yourself and what you feel and what you need.
3: Your honesty makes it easier for your relationship to grow to be even better.
Therefor my advise to you next time you get frustrated, hurt or angry is to sit down with him/her without disurbances and camly say:
“Love, you know I love you no matter what, but this situation or action really make me feel bad/hurt/ignored/…
and I what I feel is……
And what I want is..
And what I need is….
And then say,
“Thank you for listening to me.” (If the persons interupt you while you are speaking, ask the person to let you finish before he/she speaks).
Then listen to what he/she has to say to you.
Really listen and confirm what he/she is saying. If you are not feeling heard, repeat what you’ve said one more time and let the person respond to what you have said.
Remember: Positive and important things can’t be said too many times.
Try it out next time you experience negative emotions about your partner or another person close to you.